Nurse Rebecca Mottram

Is potty training hard or easy? Should potty training be parent led, or child led? Should you potty train early, or wait till your child asks to potty train? Are accidents inevitable? Is there a way to prevent accidents? What’s the truth?

Truth #1:Potty training can be TOUGH

The first week especially. Did you expect me to say that? Perhaps not, but it’s a bit like the way nobody tells you other stuff, like how “easy” breastfeeding is, how babies “sleep through the night” etc and when it comes to potty training, how if you leave them to it, kids will  “do it in a day”. Chances are you have a different perspective on the earlier things but are you still holding out for an easy ride when it comes to potty training? Are you assuming your kid will be that one who just wakes up one day and decides to potty train themselves?

I’d be doing you a disservice if I didn’t tell you that for most people, potty training is hard work. How do I know this? Well, its partly ‘cos I’ve trained both my own kids and mainly because I’ve spent a hell of a lot of time working with parents, listening to their experiences and moderating and participating in support groups for parents going through this stage. The truth is, MOST parents will have some struggles where potty training is concerned.

Truth #2: Potty training is messy

This is the part where your toddler learns WHERE to pee and poo. There is no way to sugar coat this: if you have used nappies until now, your child has been taught that nappies are where it goes. You now have to teach them a new way of doing their business: that pee and poop must now go in the POTTY. Whatever method you use, you WILL have some pee on the floor and you WILL have some poop in your house (though you can offset the impact with one of these).

Truth # 3: Potty training should be parent led, in partnership with your child

Just like when you chose to put the nappies on, you can also choose when to take them off. Potty training involves a huge step in learning for your child and is often a source of frustration, anxiety and stress for parents. Usually, that’s because the expectations are out of line. Children DO need to be taught, and YOU as the parent are in fact, your child’s best teacher. You know them, you love them, you can choose how best to motivate them to succeed. Just like when they learned to walk or talk and as they learn to read and write, potty training involves developing a series of skills. And, like learning anything, a good teacher makes all the difference. HOW are you supposed to teach them this??? (more on that in a moment).

Truth #4: Your child probably won’t be on board the whole time

You set out all excited on behalf of your child and you try and install this in them (“what a big girl/boy you will be!”) and then they refuse to get with the programme. In fact, refusal is the biggest challenge facing parents who potty train. Does it mean you shouldn’t do it (NO!). The truth is, refusal happens because most children start in the toddler years when this way of being is a la mode. Toddlerhood is the breeding ground of refusal, but don’t let this put you off. You CAN overcome refusal without bribery or force. You child CAN take pride in their achievements and be motivated to succeed (see below for a PLAN).

Truth #5: Potty training can be quick

The time it takes to complete potty training depends on whether you have properly prepared your child. With my method, it can take as little as a few days to manage the transition to letting go of nappies. Really, that’s a drop in the ocean, especially for busy working parents. Yes, you might have a few accidents for a little while,  on and off, but these are actually proof of learning and provide great opportunities for teaching. If we approach potty training with the same commitment we did to the other areas of parenting, we can embrace it as a natural transition and opportunity to teach something important to your child. The emphasis should not be on doing it quickly – but on doing it properly. It takes the time your child needs.

Truth #6: Potty training can’t be avoided

All children must go through the same stages as follows:
1: recognise what their body is signalling and doing
2: respond to this appropriately
3: develop independence in stage 1 and 2.

Whether you start potty training at birth,  before they walk, sometime after they walk or around school age, the stages are the same and in that order.

Truth #7: The earlier you start the better

I know this may sound controversial, but there is a TON of science behind this statement. So, if your child is any age between birth and 18 months, it’s a good time to start moving on from nappies. if your child is already age 3 or above (sadly more common these days), you are running the risk of them developing bladder and bowel issues, so please prioritise getting started.

Truth #8: A potty training PLAN helps (MASSIVELY).

Having a plan is a good idea whatever age and stage your child is at. It means you have a clear focus which gives you confidence and back-up when and if things get tricky.

I hear a lot of discussion online that parents shouldn’t need to be taught how to potty train by someone like me.  So let’s talk about that. The truth is, the knowledge of HOW to potty train has all but gone from our communities. (you can find out why here) – knowledge we have had thoughout the whole of human history was taken away from us by disposable nappy manufacturers.

Just like we don’t get enough support for other areas of parenting – potty training has also taken a hit.  Because I too feel indignant that we have become deprived of this knowledge and because I see so much misinformation online causing problems for parents, I want to help (and I also work full time as a research nurse in addition to my work as a potty learning consultant so I’m not in this for the money, I can assure you!)

Potty Training help

If you are ready to stop using nappies now and would like support with Potty Training, I have lots of fantastic resources for you!

Nurse Rebecca Mottram is an advocate for Baby Pottying and a potty training expert. She is the author of two books; The Baby Pottying Guide and Positively Potty, the host of the Go Potty Podcast and founder of the Little Bunny Bear shop. If you are trying to resolve a potty problem, you can explore Rebecca’s free resources, join her Facebook group or request a private consultation.