Nurse Rebecca Mottram

What’s the Difference and Why Does It Matter? As a modern parent, you may have heard the term “baby-led” in several contexts, from weaning to sleep training. In theory it promotes allowing children to be led by their natural instincts and at their own pace. When it comes to potty training — letting your child take the lead and tell you when they want to stop using nappies is not going to be effective. Instead, we recommend a child-oriented method – where the child is at the centre, but guided by a supportive framework. Here’s why.

Potty Learning Requires Active Teaching

Unlike eating or sleeping, where children naturally respond to internal cues, potty learning is a skill that needs to be actively taught. For example, recognising the need to wee or poo and understanding what to do about it is not something that always comes intuitively and children may not naturally want to stop playing to use the potty!  As most children don’t use the potty from an early age, they are not familiar with what the potty is for or how to use it. Our cultural practices around potty training mean that many children will need help and guidance to develop the skills needed for independence from nappies.

What does child-led mean?

In a child-led approach, the child is in complete control of when they begin and how they progress. Parents wait for their child to show clear, independent signs of “readiness” – whether it’s verbally asking to use the potty, staying dry for long periods, or even initiating trips to the bathroom on their own. The belief here is that children will naturally let parents know when they’re ready to learn.

While this sounds ideal, the reality is that readiness is a myth created by nappy manufacturers and waiting for a child to lead often leads to prolonged use of nappies or toilet refusal. We also know that later potty training (after age 3) increases the risk of developing bowel and bladder problems.

What Does “Child-Oriented” Mean?

A child-oriented approach, also known as  ‘child centred’,  places the child at the centre of the process but with more active guidance and support from parents. It recognises the importance of respecting the child’s individual pace and temperament, but it also acknowledges that children often need gentle encouragement and structured opportunities to learn. Instead of waiting for the child to take the lead, parents introduce potty learning when they feel the child is capable, using strategies that are fun, engaging, and sensitive to the child’s personality (Ps. your child is capable of using the potty from birth! There is no time too early to start).

Why Does This Matter for Potty Learning?

The distinction between child-led and child-oriented is crucial because many parents assume that waiting for a child to lead is the only respectful way to approach potty learning. But children often benefit from a balanced approach, where they are encouraged in a way that respects their development but also introduces new challenges in a supportive, playful manner.

In a child-oriented approach, you provide the framework—things like introducing the potty, explaining what happens when we wee or poo, or making sitting on the potty part of the daily routine. You observe and respect your child’s signals but also help them build body awareness and habits over time, rather than waiting for them to master everything on their own.

What does it involve?

Introducing the potty early
Start talking about the potty, body signals, and the process of weeing or pooing well before your child needs to master it independently. Most parents find that once their child is aged 6 months, it’s manageable to include daily potty time.

Help your child feel when they have done a wee
Modern nappies, even cloth ones, are designed to wick moisture away from the skin. Consider using something like the Little Bunny Bear cloth insert or a homemade liner from an old t-shirt. These tools allow your child to feel wet after they’ve gone, which helps build the essential body awareness they need for potty learning.

Offer positive reinforcement (but not rewards like stickers or sweets) 
Praise your child’s efforts, even if they don’t succeed right away. Celebrate their interest in the potty, their attempts to recognise their body’s signals, and any small wins. This builds their confidence and keeps the experience positive.

Gradually shift the focus
Rather than waiting for your child to lead entirely, you can gently guide them through the process while still respecting their individual pace. For example, you can start by helping them recognise when they’ve done a wee in their nappy and slowly transition to encouraging them to use the potty before they go.

A Balanced Approach to Potty Learning

The most successful potty learning experiences tend to blend the best of both approaches. You can be child-oriented by observing your child’s cues, using play-based strategies, and gently introducing potty learning, without waiting indefinitely for your child to take complete control of the process.

This is especially important for children with specific needs, whether neurodivergent or simply of a more sensitive temperament. You know your child best, so trusting your instincts while providing them with a framework for learning is a powerful way to guide them through this important milestone.

Conclusion

When it comes to potty learning, understanding the difference between being child-led and child-oriented is key. While a child-led approach respects your child’s independence, a child-oriented approach offers the supportive structure they need to succeed. By finding that balance, you can guide your child in a way that feels natural and respectful, setting them up for success on their potty learning journey.

If your child is under 18 months old, learn how to introduce the potty with my book The Baby Pottying Guide. If your child is over 18 months old, learn how to introduce the potty with the Go Potty Podcast or my book Positively Potty.

If you would like to help your child develop more independence, you can download my free guide via the form below

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References.

1:Wu, H.Y. (2013). Can evidence-based medicine change toilet-training practice? Arab Journal of Urology, 11(1), 13-18.

2: Kaerts, N., Van Hal, G., Vermandel, A., & Wyndaele, J.J. (2012). Readiness signs used to define the proper moment to start toilet training: a review of the literature. Neurourology and Urodynamics, 31(4), 437-440.

Nurse Rebecca Mottram is an advocate for Baby Pottying and a potty training expert. She is the author of two books; The Baby Pottying Guide and Positively Potty, the host of the Go Potty Podcast and founder of the Little Bunny Bear shop. If you are trying to resolve a potty problem, you can explore Rebecca’s free resources, join her Facebook group or request a private consultation.