You’re not alone. Many parents are advised to wait until their child shows an interest in the potty because it’ll be easier. Nurse Rebecca Mottram explains why this approach is failing our society and what you as a parent can do instead.
If a child is interested in using the potty, they’re going co-operate with the process, there will be no battles of will, no coercion or bribery needed. Right? Just simple, drama-free potty training. It seems like such a logical and fool-proof approach, doesn’t it? Total life-hack. Almost too good to be true…
In fact that’s exactly the problem. Waiting for your child to wake up one day and suddenly be interested in potty training is not only an unrealistic approach, it’s a big gamble.
“…but that’s what my friend did and their child basically potty trained themselves!”
I’ve heard plenty of urban legends about potty training. Whilst some of them may possibly be true, children are not a monolith. They have different temperaments which determine how potty training should be approached and different life experiences which influence how prepared they are for you to take nappies away. As a children’s research nurse who is well versed in the evidence base, here is what I know to be true:
- Language is one of the last developmental steps when it comes to potty training so there is no logic in waiting until a child is capable of telling you they are interested in starting before starting to practise the other 39 potty skills they will need to master
- Children who ask to start potty training or show an interest do so because they are old enough to pick up on social cues that other children are no longer in nappies. Having this knowledge does not mean they are actually prepared to stop using nappies and that the transition will be smooth.
- The longer you delay potty training, the greater the risk of your child developing a strong emotional connection to their nappy, leading to potty training problems that require expert intervention to resolve.
- The longer you use disposable nappies or pull-ups, the more disconnected your child is from their body processes, creating a steeper learning curve to developing body awareness than if the potty is used alongside nappies in early infancy (aka Baby Pottying or Elimination Communication/EC).
TLDR: In summation – waiting for your child to seem “ready” or “interested” because it seems like it will be easier, means missing so many opportunities to prepare them for a genuinely gentle, smooth transition to letting go of nappies.
As a potty training consultant, over the last 10 years I have seen a steep rise in toileting problems like bladder and bowel dysfunction, constipation and withholding or emotional struggles and fear. I’ve been in the media talking about the increasing number of children starting school without having developed toilet independence. The irony is that “delaying potty learning to make it easier” is making it so much harder.
What’s the most fool-proof potty training method?
Short answer is that there isn’t one. (Remember, children are unique so the process needs to adapt to meet your child where they’re at.) But, potty training is a smooth process when your child has been properly prepared by learning skills as they go along. This means that when stopping using nappies is one of the last steps in the process, it’s fool-proof.
Parents need a better understanding of child development and where potty skills sit at each age and stage of development. Using nappies disrupts your child’s natural instincts and we as parents have to lead the process and actively teach potty skills. This doesnt mean it can’t be child-centered, but that is very different to being child-led.
The most gentle way to prepare your child is to help them understand all along that wee and poo goes in the toilet. Doing nappy changes in the bathroom as often as possible to build familiarity, making the potty part of their daily routine from birth to build body awareness and talking about wee and poo going in the toilet when you empty the potty afterwards.
Between 12 and 18 months, children are developmentally at their most motivated to learn toileting skills and at their most capable of becoming independent in most aspects of toileting.
Learn how to potty train your child in a way that is customised to their unique needs with The Go Potty Podcast, hosted by Nurse Rebecca Mottram, author of The Baby Pottying Guide.
Nurse Rebecca Mottram is an advocate for Baby Pottying and a potty training expert. She is the author of two books; The Baby Pottying Guide and Positively Potty, the host of the Go Potty Podcast and founder of the Little Bunny Bear shop. If you are trying to resolve a potty problem, you can explore Rebecca’s free resources, join her Facebook group or request a private consultation.