Think potty training is just about waiting for the “right age”? Getting sticker charts or snack bribes? Waiting for your child to tell you they’re ready? Think again. Nurse Rebecca Mottram is here to set the record straight on the 5 most common potty training myths
For decades, parents have been given well-meaning but wildly misleading advice about potty training and it’s causing more harm than good. If you’ve ever felt confused, conflicted or like you’ve somehow “missed the window,” you’re not alone. That’s because much of the mainstream narrative around toilet training is based on outdated assumptions, not child development science.
Let’s bust some myths and set the record straight.
MYTH 1: “Wait until they’re ready”
This single phrase has done more damage than any other in the world of potty training. What does “ready” even mean? Waiting for your child to say they want to use the toilet might sound respectful, but it’s actually a very Western, very recent idea and one that completely ignores how children actually learn new skills. Did you wait till your child told you they were ready to start talking before you ever spoke to them? What about when you helped them sit up or take their first steps or start weaning?
The truth: Readiness is an unhelpful concept – look instead at what potty skills your child is capable of learning at each stage of their development. Toilet independence is not something that develops internally without input from you. It’s a process of gradually building body awareness, toilet habits and self initiating them. You can (and should!) support these skills from babyhood. Just like you’d help your child learn to talk by speaking to them long before they say their first word, you can begin supporting toilet learning long before nappies come off.
MYTH 2: “If you start too early, you’ll traumatise them”
False. If this were true, everyone born before the 1970s would need therapy now (wait… OK, maybe not the best analogy) because the potty was introduced within the first year of life by virtually everyone before this time. However, when done gently and with respect, introducing toilet learning early is not only safe it’s beneficial for your child’s health and development.
Bladder and bowel control isn’t just about cognition. It’s about interoception (sensing internal body signals) and establishing good toilet habits. Starting early allows time for gradual learning, instead of cramming it all into a stressful few days.
And let’s be real: what other major childhood milestone involving complex skills did you expect your child to master in a matter of days?
MYTH 3: “Accidents mean they’re not ready”
Nope. Accidents mean they’re learning! Just like falling over means your child is learning to walk. If you interpret every accident as a sign to give up, you’re missing the point.
Accidents are a part of the process and what matters is how we respond to them. Punishment, shame or even frustration can disrupt progress. Support, empathy, and problem-solving move things forward.
MYTH 4: “Pull-ups help them transition”
Pull-ups can help kids learn to push down pants and pull them up again but because they wick away “accidents”, they don’t effectively teach body awareness. As they are worn constantly (like a nappy), they limit the development of social skills in understanding where wee and poo go (down the loo). Pull-ups are essentially just nappies with different marketing and are a waste of time and money. If your child is still weeing and pooing in them without hesitation, they haven’t learned the skill of noticing and responding to the urge and they won’t without actively teaching them.
True potty learning means helping your child feel and respond to their body’s signals and it means teaching them where wee and poo need to go. Putting them in a thinner version of their nappy will not help with this.
MYTH 5: “Rewards are the best way to motivate”
External rewards like sticker charts might work in the short term for some children, but they often backfire. Children can start withholding for control, get stuck in approval-seeking loops, or become anxious about toileting. Using rewards and bribes takes the focus off the importance of the skills they are learning. The goal isn’t just dry pants, it’s long-term autonomy, resilience and confidence in their capabilities.
Supporting your child to feel proud of their own progress is far more powerful than a chocolate button or a gold star. Providing detailed feedback in line with their developmental drivers fosters the cooperation you need for success.
So What Does Work?
A truly child-centred approach is built on three key pillars:
- Start with awareness – Even babies can begin to build awareness of their body’s signals. Talk about wees and poos. Involve them in nappy changes. Use cloth nappy inserts that allow them to feel when they’re wet.
- Support gradually – Use play, books, routines and role-modelling to build toilet habits over time. Don’t wait for the “perfect” moment: it doesn’t exist.
- Promote independence and praise for practice and cooperation. This isn’t about showing off who trained first. It’s about each child feeling in control, understood and confident in their own body.
The Bottom Line
Potty learning isn’t a race. It’s not about control, bribes or magical signs from your toddler. It’s a developmental journey—one that starts earlier than you think and deserves better than the myths we’ve all been sold.
If you’ve ever thought, “There has to be a better way,”—you were right.
There is.
And it starts with rethinking everything you thought you knew.
Want to learn my child-centred method for potty training? You can listen to the Go Potty Podcast or pre-order my new book: Positively Potty: The Playful, Proactive Toilet Training Solution.
Nurse Rebecca Mottram is an advocate for Baby Pottying and a potty training expert. She is the author of two books; The Baby Pottying Guide and Positively Potty, the host of the Go Potty Podcast and founder of the Little Bunny Bear shop. If you are trying to resolve a potty problem, you can explore Rebecca’s free resources, join her Facebook group or request a private consultation.